What you should know about Gaslighting.

Understanding Gaslighting: A Manipulation Tactic that Distorts Reality

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic often used in abusive relationships. It hinges on creating self-doubt and confusion in the victim, causing them to question their reality and perception of events. This type of manipulation can be hard to spot, especially when it comes from someone you love or trust.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting involves deliberately making someone feel like they’re “crazy” or unstable. It’s a tool used by abusers to gain control over their victim by distorting reality. It’s not just a term thrown around lightly; it refers to a severe form of emotional abuse. The term originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s imagining things that are truly happening. (Forbes Health)

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting

1. The Twilight Zone Effect: Do you often feel like your relationship exists in an alternate reality? This “Twilight Zone” feeling, where situations seem surreal or disconnected from your life, is a major red flag.

2. Language Attacks: Gaslighters often dismiss your emotions by calling you “crazy,” “irrational,” or “over-emotional.” These verbal attacks are designed to discredit you and make you feel powerless.

3. Exaggeration Accusations: If you’re constantly being told that you’re overreacting or exaggerating situations, it may be a sign of gaslighting. This tactic is meant to diminish your feelings.

4. Confusion After Interactions: After talking with a gaslighter, victims often feel disoriented or unsure about what just happened. This confusion is deliberate.

5. Isolation: Gaslighters often isolate their victims from friends and family, cutting off their support system and making them more dependent on the abuser.

6. Tone Policing: Criticizing your tone or reaction when you confront them is another common tactic. This flips the script, making you the villain in the situation.

7. Hot and Cold Behavior: Abusers can flip between warmth and hostility quickly, leaving you questioning their intentions and your own sanity.

Techniques Gaslighters Use

The National Domestic Violence Hotline highlights five common gaslighting techniques:

• Withholding: The abuser pretends they don’t understand you or outright refuses to listen.

• Countering: They question your memory, even when you’re sure of what happened.

• Blocking/Diverting: The abuser changes the subject or questions your thinking, leaving you at a dead end.

• Trivializing: They make your thoughts and feelings seem insignificant.

• Forgetting/Denial: The abuser may claim they forgot things they previously said or deny things altogether, making you question your recollection of events.

How Gaslighting Affects Mental Health

Gaslighting takes a heavy toll on mental health, leading to:

• Anxiety and Depression

• Disorientation and Lowered Self-Esteem

• PTSD or Hypervigilance (an overwhelming sense of danger)

• Suicidal thoughts

If you’re experiencing these signs, it’s essential to recognize the emotional impact gaslighting has on your well-being.

How to Handle Gaslighting

1. Tell Others: As hard as it may be, share your experiences with as many people as you can. A support system can help you verify your reality.

2. Stay Connected: Keep in touch with family and friends, even if the gaslighter tries to isolate you. Their perspective can help anchor you.

3. Keep a Journal: Document interactions with the gaslighter. Writing down what happens can serve as a reality check when they try to manipulate your memory. This journal can also be a helpful tool when you seek support or therapy.

4. Seek Professional Help: Call a domestic violence hotline, or seek therapy. Professionals can help you navigate through the confusion and regain control over your life.

You Are Not Alone

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that can leave lasting scars. But recognizing it is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of self and power. If you’re experiencing gaslighting or emotional abuse, reach out for help. Whether it’s to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a support hotline.

For immediate help, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).